Motherhood  –  Love, Pain and Fulfilment

Every mother has their own story to tell. Motherhood doesn’t come with a manual for us to use or follow. Like rappers on a rap battle, we freestyle our way through, find our own lyrics for a perfect lullaby. Not all mothers are the same; there are single mothers, married mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers, siblings raising one another, and young teenage mothers. According to Human Science Research (Feb 2026), statistics show that the Eastern Cape is a hotspot for mothers under the age of 20.

My personal journey from grief to fulfilment

My story is different; I was raised by my grandmother in the Eastern Cape. Losing my mother at age 7 has been the toughest pain I grew up carrying. My grandmother’s love shielded my little heart from the lack of a motherly presence. I grew up loved and cared for. My grandmother made sure I was well-fed, happy,  educated and most importantly, loved.

When the day came, and I had my first menstrual period, my grandmother made sure she sits with me and educated me on women’s hygiene and what to expect when I reached that phase a young woman. I would hear my peers as a teen saying their moms helped them get their first pack of sanitary pads, and for me, it was umakhulu wam.

In 2020, I too found myself in a position where I had to be a mom to a wonderful boy. I was fortunate to still have that same woman who raised me naming my son; she named him Kamvelihle, which means a beautiful future. She called the hospital every day to check about my safety.

It was now time for me to embark on my own journey as a mother at age 25. With little knowledge, I kept calling my grandmother for assistance and recommendations for the baby’s well-being. 

In Motherhood, we have a term ‘mom-guilt’ which for me came when I had to separate from being a mother who was with her child every day to having to go to complete my degree, it feels like negligence, it is a painful feeling but the idea of having a qualification that will open doors for me means a greater life for him too. As a mom, you constantly must remind yourself that what you do will benefit your child too.  After all, I’m building ikamvaelihle for both of us.

I have faced so many challenges as mother. The painful feeling whenever my child is sick is heartbreaking. As a mother, I sometimes feel like I could carry his pain for him so that he doesn’t have to feel it. Whenever I’m away from my child, and the weather is cold, I always wonder if he is warm enough. It is almost impossible to separate your mind and focus on what you are doing when you have a child; your brain is also wondering about them.  

Growing up in the rural area in the Eastern Cape, it really felt safe, and it indeed took a village to raise a child. I never felt unsafe when I’m playing in the streets with my friends, it was safe enough that my friends’ mothers could call us in at their home for a cool drink when we are playing. It felt safe and genuine compared to now. As a mom raising a young boy now, I’m always paranoid about his safety, he doesn’t play much as I did in the neighbour’s houses. The world is cruel to our kids; high rate of crime and kidnapping news creates a very paranoid mom who constantly must be worried about their child. Another challenge for me is social media; I do not post my child on my social media platform unless I change settings to only my friends’friends’ viewing content with my child involved. We live in an error where people online are using children’s photos on unpleasant platforms, people can also track the school the child goes to and that, for me is unsafe.

A working mother in kuGompo

Anika Mbele (34) from kuGompo described her journey as a mother to be a tiring journey, she had no one to assist her with taking care of her child. Working 9 to 5 during the week, her only time with her child is on the weekend. She also mentioned how challenging it is financially to take care of a child alone, her child’s expenses put a huge weight on her shoulders. However, Mbele praises motherhood and mentioned that it was a turning point for her because before she only cared for herself but now her priorities have changed, she was forced to work 10 times more as her life changed and a lot is expected from her. She added that having her child made her to stop living in her comfort zone, she is always searching for opportunities that will afford her a better life for her and the child.

Childhood scars

Babalwa Nontiyo (29) also shared how important it is for her as a mother to show up for her child, her fear is having a child who will carry childhood traumas and later on in life become a very angry or sad adult. Miss Nontiyo believes her child’s foundation is what she will later become in life. “I do not necessarily mean spoiling my child, Amanda but I want to create a safe space, my child must not be scared to share what bothers her with me, my mother would shut my feelings down and not listen”. She described her mother’s love to be a very tough experience as she could not openly share many things with her, she needed an ear to listen to her and support without being judgmental. Babalwa’s aim is to be as open and honest for the relationship with her child to be healthy.

Despite it all, we all concluded that motherhood is a fulfilling journey and our children are the purest form of love. All we want is to have healthy children who experience life better than we ever did. We aim to ensure their safety, create future generations who will one day heal the world.

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About the Author:

Amanda Somyalo is a public administration final year student, a mother, and writer based in the Eastern Cape. She contributes to Activate! Change Drivers Writers Hub.