Yes, We’re Clapping for the Fish for Swimming: The Radical Rise of the Millennial Dad

Every June, South African social media timelines split into two completely different cultural realities. On one side, corporate marketing engines push a polished, commercial version of fatherhood, filled with braai tongs, socks, and hardware-store gift cards. On the other side, a heavy, bittersweet wave of counter-celebration takes over: “Happy Father’s Day to the single mothers.”

For decades, the standard public conversation around fatherhood in our country has been built entirely on a foundation of absence, trauma, and systemic fracture. The pain is real, and the historical scars run deep. However, if we only look at what is broken, we miss the quiet, radical revolution happening inside millions of South African homes right now. This year, it is time to shift our focus from the trauma of the past to the active transformation of the present. It is time to look at the millennial men who are rewriting the script.

Redefining the South African Statistic

To understand the scale of the change taking place, we will ground ourselves in the data without letting it swallow our optimism. The reality of the South African family structure is complex and heavily shaped by historical economic systems like migrant labour. According to the 3rd State of South Africa’s Fathers Report (SOSAF 2024), father absence is driven by deep socio-economic pressures, historical labour migration, and traditional expectations that equate fatherhood strictly with financial provision. While only 35.6% of children live with their biological fathers, the broader picture is more nuanced; an estimated 40.3% of South African children live with other men (e.g., grandfathers, uncles, older brothers, or stepfathers) who act as social fathers. On the surface, that number feels devastating. It feeds directly into the persistent public anxiety regarding a “fatherless nation”.

This means that while biological presence has faced massive systemic hurdles, our communities have consistently survived because of a resilient network of non-biological male figures who stepped forward to hold up the sky for families. Organisations like the Cool Dads Foundation and advocacy groups like Sonke Gender Justice have continuously worked to shed light on these evolving dynamics of care, proving that presence in South Africa has always taken many forms. But the true turning point for our generation is that millennial men are now working to ensure that biological presence aligns with this cultural history of care.

The Subtle Architecture of Absence: A Girl Child’s Mirror

This nuance is exactly where my own lived experience sits. My parents divorced when I was just eight years old. Following the split, I was raised entirely in a single-parent household by my mother, sam’ thandi uNono. I was fortunate enough to have a wonderful uncle who stepped into the gap and provided a strong, stable, fatherly anchor in my life. Yet, even with an unshakeable, fierce mother and a supportive extended family, there was a very specific, father-shaped puzzle piece missing from my daily reality.

Even if a biological father is alive, having a strained or distant relationship that only found a brief window of closeness in his final months left a distinct mark. As a girl child, navigating that lack of consistent daily paternal validation doesn’t mean you automatically fit into a tragic societal cliché; it doesn’t mean you turn to substance abuse or self-destructive behaviours to cope. Instead, the effects are far more subtle and emotional. They show up in the way you navigate romantic relationships as an adult, the spaces where you look for validation, and the deep inner work required to realise you are completely secure on your own.

A father’s daily role is neither redundant nor easily substituted. When a father is present, he provides a unique emotional blueprint for his children. When a man normalises emotional availability, domestic care, and equal partnership as acts of strength, it completely changes how his children view the world and themselves. It sets a standard for how they expect to be treated, loved, and respected.

Deconstructing the “Fish” Discourse

Which brings us directly to the favourite critique across modern social media platforms whenever a man is praised for standard parenting duties: “Why are we clapping for a fish for swimming?”

The logic of the argument is simple: A father is supposed to parent. He is supposed to change the diaper, prepare the bottle, pack the school lunch, and provide emotional safety. It is his fundamental duty. Why should we hand out medals to men for simply doing what they are legally and morally obligated to do?

But this critique completely ignores the weight of generational inertia.

If a fish has been bred for generations in a dried-up, highly polluted stream where its predecessors were systemically removed or never taught how to swim freely, the fact that a new generation of fish is navigating a brutal current and learning to swim beautifully is worth a standing ovation.

Millennial fathers are building a brand-new blueprint completely from scratch. They are doing things that their own fathers and grandfathers were rarely taught or permitted to do by rigid cultural or societal norms. Seeing a modern South African father take a bottle of breast milk his partner pumped, store it correctly, feed his infant, change a diaper, and hold space for his child’s tears isn’t just about basic chores; it is active, conscious unlearning. These men are building bridges they never got to walk across as children. It takes immense emotional maturity to give your child a presence you never had yourself.

Household Leadership as Active Citizenship

At Activate! Change Drivers, our entire philosophy revolves around driving systemic social transformation, active citizenship, and grassroots leadership. Historically, we have trained our network to look outward, to build community campaigns, to run youth activations, to challenge policies, and to fight for public accountability.

But true, sustainable social change doesn’t just happen on public platforms or during political marches; the most radical revolution in South Africa is currently taking place in the quiet, mundane spaces of our living rooms and nurseries.

The millennial men within the Activate! networks are living proof of this shift. Leaders, trainers, and community connectors across our network, like Tebogo Motlana, Brian Mchunu, and Rammolotsi Sothoane, are actively demonstrating that true leadership begins at home. Whether it is intentionally embracing the role of a proud “girl dad,” or publicly stepping up to share the daily physical and emotional load of raising a family, these men are acting as change drivers in the most literal sense.

When a man chooses to break the mould of the detached, stoic provider and replace it with empathetic and active presence, he directly reduces the baseline of emotional trauma in his household. He ensures that the next generation of South African youth will not have to spend their entire adulthood healing from a father-shaped void. They will enter the world already validated, emotionally secure, and ready to lead.

So this Father’s Day, yes, we are absolutely clapping for the fish. We are giving flowers to the cycle-breakers, the diaper-changers, the fathers who stepped up, the emotionally available girl-dads, and the present men who looked at a broken status quo and decided to build a brand-new legacy.

Happy Father’s Day to the men driving the most important change of all: the change at home.

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References:

• Katele, M. et al. (2024). 3rd State of South Africa’s Fathers Report (SOSAF 2024). Centre for Social Development in Africa (CSDA), released February 2025.
• Peter, Z. (2025). “We can’t afford a fatherless nation.” The Star / IOL Opinion. Read the article on IOL.
• Sonke Gender Justice & Cool Dads Foundation. (2024). Community Research and Fatherhood Advocacy Initiatives.

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About the Author:

Phumzile “Phumi” Zwane is a member of the Activate! Change Drivers Writers Hub. A marketing and communications professional who is passionate about digital strategy, lifestyle storytelling, and authentic content creation, Phumi uses her platform to explore the intersections of corporate communications, youth leadership, and cultural transformation in South Africa.